Library of Memory

Lets keep the fire burning
dont let go i think we got a chance babe
so, dont put out the glow
coz i believe in us
unleast u say, but i dont feel it no more
its just another game u play

but if u really want me
to stay be close to you
better show me baby
show what love can do

(Chorus)
u say u love me
but words are not enough
i wanna feel, feel it’s real
feel the magic when we touch
u say u want me
but words are not enough
i want bring back for good
bring back what we have lost

all the time ive waited on my own
i started thinking baby
i better off the alone
but i still feel for you
i wish i could let go
starting wishful thinking
love can make us grow

(But if u really want me) really love me
(please stay close to me) please stay
(better show me baby) show what love can do

(CHORUS)

i try to reach you
and i try to feel you
won’t you close tonight? (oh..)
but, it seems you keep avoiding me now
given up on all somehow
and now im lost

(CHORUS)

“What Makes You Different (Makes You Beautiful)”

You don’t run with the crowd
You go your own way
You don’t play after dark
You light up my day
Got your own kind of style
That sets you apart
Baby, that’s why you captured my heart

I know sometimes you feel like you don’t fit in
And this world doesn’t know what you have within
When I look at you, I see something rare
A rose that can grow anywhere (grow anywhere)
And there’s no one I know that can compare

What makes you different, (alright) makes you beautiful (alright)
What’s there inside you, (alright) shines through to me
In your eyes I see, all the love I’ll ever need
You’re all I need, oh girl
What makes you different, makes you beautiful to me

Hey, yeah yeah yeah
You got something so real
You touched me so deep (touched me so deep)
You see material things
Don’t matter to me
So come as you are
You’ve got nothing to prove
You’ve won me with all that you do
And I wanna take this chance to say to you

What makes you different, (alright, yeah yeah) makes you beautiful (alright)
What’s there inside you, (alright) shines through to me
In your eyes I see, all the love I’ll ever need
You’re all I need, oh girl
What makes you different, makes you beautiful

You don’t know (you don’t know) how you touched my life (touched my life)
Oh in so many ways (so many ways) I just can’t describe
You taught me what love is supposed to be
It’s all the little things that make you beautiful to me (so beautiful)
Oh yeah, yeah

What makes you,
What makes you different, (what makes) makes you beautiful (to me)
What’s there inside you, (there shines) shines through to me
In your eyes I see, all the love I’ll ever need
You’re all I need, oh girl
What makes you different, makes you beautiful to me

Everything you do is beautiful (so beautiful)
Love you give shines right through me (shines right through to me)
Everything you do is beautiful (ooh, ooh ooh ooh oh)
Oh, you’re beautiful to me (to me)

I wan to thank someone who dedicated and introduced this song to me… (”,) you’re special to me…

To talk of illusions, aren’t they great? Illusion or day dreaming helps us to think of what we want to become in life. We literally see how life revolves us in that position. It’s an entirely different world of pleasure, comfort and imagination. Most of our day dreaming or illusions make us more and more egocentric. Hence by dreaming and visualization we become self-centred. We never realize that the things we dream of can be achieved by us by programming ourselves to work for it. But somehow the pleasure of dreaming ourselves as someone important takes us away from the realistic approach to achieve that level of self-satisfaction and self-accomplishment.
This lead to an increase in the frustration levels of our mind. Why frustrations? This is because what we are, and what we dream of is totally different. We raise ourselves to a very high pedestal and we see that we are not able to live up to our expectations. And when this happens, we become mentally restless.
The vital solution that will dissolve all our problems is to make up our minds to get realistic. This approach will make us come in terms with reality. And there is no better road to self-improvement rather than the path of reality. When you gauge yourself, you subconsciously make two columns in your mind. One consists of the things that you are good at, and the other consists of the areas where you can improve. And believe me this is a good start. This is because it will boost us to work on our weak areas and strengthen them. Fortifying your weak areas will harness your conscience and improve your confidence. With confidence you convert would be to must be. And when something must happen, it always happens. This new you will improve you for the better and increase your levels of self-esteem. It will change your outlook to things.
I would like to type the thoughts that have just sprung up in my mind. Read and ponder on each line. I admit that it’s a sad aim at poetry, but I am allowing my mind to control my typing.

If you want to achieve what you couldn’t have
If you want to be what you want to be
If you want to do what you can do, but aren’t doing,
If there is a place you want to be, but haven’t been
You will get there, become the one and do it
Cause it’s all in a state of mind.
Make up your mind and rule the stars.
Control your mind and make your fate.

I hope this conveys my thoughts with clarity. So it’s some advice and suggestion to all those eyeballs running through this part, to keep their heads on their shoulders without using heads and shoulders! And believe me guys, you guys have it in you to make it big. Just don’t let that teenage iconoclastic habit rule over sense.

Yup, yup… This time it’s all about those bastard in the car PCH 7077 Red Toyota Corolla. Just a few hours ago, I witness they are trying to tease 2 girls, who is driving behind them with dangerously wild and barbarian’s action. I’m ready to offer police as an eyes witness to the case at anytime because I saw the whole process running in front of me.

That incident happened when the driver of PCH 7077 (Red Toyota Corolla) cut into the girls’ lane without giving any signal. [don't you bastard know where's the signal button in your car or you don't even know how to use it and when to use it? you're not a well mannered gentlemen in the first place!]  Of course, like we all will do is to brake and sound to alert the on coming car from behind. Then the girls flash them highlight to warn them as a reply for their insolent act. Then there goes another inconsiderate driver (Perodua Kancil) trying to push the girls’ car to the side of the road, that is also a man who is driving in that Perodua Kancil. [what was wrong with men nowadays?? if any of those guys with girl friend or wife, i feel sorry for them to have such a barbarian partner.]

The Perodua Kancil drove a head ignoring anything as if he’s rushing for his dying family member. So did the girls sound and highlight again to warn that Perodua Kancil driver, well I think at that time those insolent boys in PCH 7077 thought the girls is ’scolding’ them for their rude act. The next thing happened was the PCH 7077 driver gave a sudden brake twice to irritate the girls and trying to get them to hit their car. Out of their expectation, the girls get her car under well control and did not fall into the boys’ prank. [what a daddy's boys that trying some stupid move, LAME!!] {girls, you are so cool!!!!!}

After 2 sudden brake had failed, the lame boys came out with a new idea, which is then they drove for several meter after a turning point, the road via the girls had also turned into, the boys speed up for a few meter then closing in to the shoulder of road and wait for the girls to come in. When the girls drove next to their car, the PCH 7077 driver made a dangerous sharp turn and intend to knock the girls’ car. [kiddy, I can asure you that you can be found guilty on driving dangerously on the road and endanger some other's life and also attempted murder] Surprisingly, god is with the girls and there’s no car on the opposite lane, so the girls manage to avoid the Red Toyota Corolla smoothly and continue her journey without even scratching the car. {wow!!!!! girls, you really did show those kiddy woman’s power and put a slap on their faces!!!!! I salute you!}

Showered in shame, the boys ain’t getting enough. They speed up infront my eyes and following closely behind the girls. The smart girls then found those insolent boys aren’t getting enough and want a piece of them, so she gave signal to turn into a police station situated on the same road via the dangerous incident happened. {that is the best thing to do whenever you encounter such a barbarians, you didn’t show your fear girls, i know it because you are still able to think calmly and wisely right after they trying to freak you out. you are so brave and cool girls!!!!!} Fear of set behind bars and shadowed by their own crime, those tom kitten drove past the girls and run back to their mom. What a shame boys… LOOSER!!

I find that incident is interesting and I, as a Koperal of Road Safety Council really want to tell my members about this story, and I wanted to let everyone know the sarcastic driver’s act so that when anyone met the driver on road, they will point and laugh at the driver for being such ungentlemen, insolent and childish act. I manage to drive to the side of PCH 7077 and have a look of how the insolent boys look like, well… not good looking, not smart looking, don’t even look like educated to me. I’ll remember those boys’ faces and whenever i met them, i’ll surely laugh out loud as they were defeated by 2 girls even they are in number. No wonder there’s getting more tb out there, because the boys are getting unrelyable and childish than girls nowadays. Those really good guys out there, i think they are only in Panda’s number, meaning very extremely FEW out there and hard to get.

Anyone saw the driver of PCH 7077 Red Toyota Corolla, just express to him what you feel about his act in this case. I’m not making this story on imagination, this is real incident happened right infront my eyes. Just be more careful when you come into this kind of driver.

One year of my life gone just like that, closing in to the end, getting far from the zero point… or just say that I’m getting older, yup… it’s true. But luckily I did not waste 2007, and I had a lot of amazing experience back there. I would say that is a best year ever hit me after the two black year. Is bad luck fading or just I’m getting more optimistic? Hard to tell, luck is not something we can control… we used to blame luck because we refuse to admit that was one of our fault, don’t we? Come to think of that I find myself at least have to pay some of the responsible on behalf of what had occur. So for the next time before I blame luck, I’ll blame myself first. Ok, first aim to archive in 2008 set.

I find that there is no point of arguing with people, because when you do, you are actually wasting your life time for someone’s life and you set your mood to bad which cause yourself to get sick more easy. A fight won’t get started if only one person was involve, so to stop a fight is by not starting it. Problem can be solve only when two person was peace and calm where they can think clearer. I find that I’m able to control my temper last year most of the time, well ofcourse none can totally without temper… But it’s a big improvement in me, much better than last time where I was very very bad tempered… Haha.

Another thing I was happy of is having a group of new friends, and we are still together this year, it’s so amazing! I would say that I’ve never been in a class I like so much before! I never regret of my huge decission, and I did not let myself down on my academic perfomance. A lot of my friends said I must be a genius to be able to reach that without any tuition, well I’m certainly not a genius for sure. I’m just trying to cut down output because of low input by working harder myself than attending tuition. Hopefully I’ll be able to do well in STPM, if not it’s for sure that tough time is ahead.

Wishing that this year will be better year and everything will be smooth and good…

Is that my gift? Or is that something else? It is strange to sense things before there’s even a sign of it to happen… Result, death, accident, surprise nor present of non-living… Few that believe… few that really have that ability…

Even it is a gift, it’s scary when you can’t gain control over it. Though i sense danger is coming near me, but i fail to sense where it coming from or how does it hit. A friend told me it’s good to sense danger cause at least you know it before it happen, well… Doesn’t really help me…

I can’t tell how i just know something and strange to hear it with my own ears about what came out from my mouth as if i knew everything long ago… How do i read something unwritten? No idea…

Fear is there cause there’s no way to test the ability, but it warned me every single time whenever there’s danger… How do i not believe that? How could that be a coincidence everytime?

Hmm… what to do? Just accept the fact that i’m a freak… But ofcourse i do not sense what’s coming out in the exam, if not i would had earn loads of money… haha! I sense… No one will not leave no comment for me… we’ll see.

Again… i’m talking about fencing… guess my friend is gonna sigh and leave this page… hope not to…

Ever since i watch zorro’s cartoon for the very first time, i seem to fell for the art of fencing… i even try out my first time fencing with cane together with my sister, though i don’t really know what was i performing, but i just enjoy swinging the cane as if it’s a weapon.

I was looking for a chance to get into this sport, but the strange thing is that i never found someone fencing around in penang. So i took up badminton when i was 10. Then i love badminton until i discover my talent on basketball when i manage to shoot for the 3 point basket, hmm… still don’t feel like any of it is my cup of tea. Then i thought maybe what i like os a combat sport like judo, karate or teakwando… but i pick none of those.

Until i went in to pcghs, i was told that pcghs got the most activities in girls’ school, but there’s still, not a word of FENCING was printed on the cocu-registration paper. Under no option left, i pick up basketball again when i was in form 1. Actually i was aiming for ping pong, but couldn’t get it…

Then until around April of 2002 if i’m not mistaken, the’re intro about fencing after assembly, i was so surprise and had thought of joining the fencing club right the way. But i did not dash to register ’cause fear no friend will join in with me, so i went back to classroom with my head still full with fencing perfomance. Then when the girl sitting infront of me turned and asked if i want to join, i almost drag her down the hall way to register as member.

When i first join, i don’t understand why my coach keep on asking us to do forward n backward in fencing way of walk, i get bored sometimes and wanted to quit, but i still tell myself to go training and get improve until i can learn the art of fencing. Finally i was good enough to fence with foil, though i can’t control it as a part of myself, but i still able to swing it around just like what i did with my sister when i was small.

As time goes along, i’d improve and never had a thought to put a halt on the game. Finally, i get to be the president of fencing club when i was in form 5, though it’s a bit late, but i still try my best to promote the club and strive for medals in competition. I never look at myself when i was fencing before because we’re moving too fast, of course your eyes are looking at your oponent, not the mirror or other things. Thanks for my friend, i finally get to see my own fencing form.

But, i think that is not the best in me, i know i can do much better and there’s room for improvement. Now i was playing sabre, a weapon i wanted to try so long ago, but it’s quite tiring sometimes because it’s a bit different in the way of holding it and using it. Just now got my hand cut because of my slow reaction when fencing with my coach, though i’m faster than my juniors but i’m still slower than my coach, hmm… wonder when will i be able to be faster than my coach… really hope that i get to still fencing fast like my coach when i’m at his age, he’s going 60 now and still fencing like a young boy, SALUTE!

In a new stream i never been before, in a class that almost half of them i didn’t know well, hmm… quite interesting.

My class… well, my classmates are very friendly… but sometimes they talk quite loud… hmmm… we’re more like a big family. We share issues, jokes, almost everything in class… you were asking homework? well… i can’t tell for sure…haha

Studying new subject i never come to before is quite interesting… as most of the science are still stuck in my head… haha (over study for spm d…nah…swt) Now i got my time fully book for studies… dun hope to see myself making a wrong decission… hope i’ll do the best out of it.

Fencing… well… i’m partially not in it d… i just don’t know why, fencing used to be very fun and relaxing. but now? i don’t know… seemed like it’s not the way it used to be anymore. Why built fences when we can built bridges? Well, whatever it is now, i’ll just train at least once a week to keep myself fit for fencing, but not to train until i get lost in my studies.

Hmm… board of traffic wardens… well, i’m surprise that there’s young member causing trouble to the board. Now everything seem to back to where it belongs but i can’t tell if this going to last. They’ll get their traffic uniform real soon, hope they will appreciate what they have today as last time we didn’t get most what they have now. hopefully with their uniform on, the public will listen and respect them when they doing duty outside of school.

Hamsters… no, now only left hamster. don’t know why… all my pet hamsters died suddenly… except the one lucky hamster. the funny thing is i didn’t know that lucky hamster was a male, instead i put it in a cage with other female hamster…haha, luckily no baby hamster was made… don’t wan to keep them lonely because of my busy.

Husky… hmm… i wonder if i should call it dog or cat-dog. amazingly, it edge out more than 5 mousey that try to get in my house from the front door. but there’s some smart ones came in through ground-floor toilet… really hate them, bantito! almost all dried-food and even uncooked mee was chewed and in their stomach, even my hamster’s food was stolen! maybe i should get husky in the house and take them down one by one.

Well… there’s a first time for everyone in anything… me? haha! the first time i lost a parking ticket… so clumsy… never did that before… never thought that i would…|||

I’m always good at keeping things… but dunno what went wrong with me today… not getting enough sleep? i think so… working my head off to worry about my juniors safety because of those stuborn male homosapiens that won’t listen to girls but inviting girls to their unorganised activity… how miserable is that? i really wonder what so shame about asking help or accepting advise from girls? c’mon, stone age is way long ago!

Now I knew how smart is those parking company in making money, they’re smart enough to fine people that lost a ticket that worth less than RM1 for RM20. what logic is that? i would rather to give away that money for charity than paying to those "smart" money maker.

Well… no pain no gain… the least i gain is not to lost parking ticket AGAIN! swt… never knew this day would come to me… next time i’ll have a note book to note down everything i put away i guess…

Recently…knowing more things than before… but i just discover so little i known…

I can still recall how excited i was when i 1st learnt how to write my own name, showing off to my parents… i believe most of us did when we’re small. i always amaze by the new things i learnt when i was small, i never know how little i know, just knowing i knew more than before…

Same thing goes with comunication with people. The more you know about them, you’ll surprise by how little you understand them. I always thought i’ll be amaze by the more i know, but now i know that i’m not.

Sometimes, maybe not knowing something will allow us to live better . Just like knowing when you going to die… do you want your time of dead to be reveal? if you’re able to, would you want to know about it? Knowing it will just turn your life into grey, not living to the fullest. But not knowing it? Just like what we human meant to be… Live every seconds full with surprises.

Maybe something are not meant to be known… or maybe i was meant not to be told about it… that’s what they called : Secret are meant to be secret. Well… even our life is full of mysterious, what more can i say? Unknown is a symbol in every corner…